Gratefully, we only have good news to share today. Jaron went in last week for a check up and his MRI shows no tumor growth. We were so happy to hear this news. This was his first MRI after finishing treatment in July so we were worried that something might be growing. But happily, it was still clean. Often we get asked if Jaron is in remission. Sadly, Jaron never gets to be in remission. He will always have cancer in him. He will always be monitored to see if those cancer cells are growing or not. So each time we go in, we often think, “Is this the time we will hear that the cancer is growing?” Someday that will happen but we are grateful that day is not today. We will enjoy the clean bill of health for now.
The kids all had their full body MRIs done in August. This was quite the process. We put Bethany under anesthesia because she is so active. We didn’t think she could hold still. But Clark and Vienna did it with no anesthesia and they were in there for over two hours each. Luckily the technicians put goggles on them so the kids could watch a movie but, boy, that was a tough day for them. I am so proud of how brave they were! Vienna and Clark had some follow ups to see if some of the abnormalities found are normal and so far, they seem to be ok. I am grateful that no cancers were found. It was interesting as we drove home from their scans. The kids talked for over ten minutes comparing their experience and sharing tricks they learned. I heard Clark say, “I asked them to turn on closed captioning so I could understand what was going on in the movie when the MRI machine was so loud.” Vienna said, “I told them to turn on the AC so it wasn’t so hot.” I quietly drove as I listened to my kids bond over their experiences. My kids don't always get along but for this small moment, I felt lucky to watch them connect and support each other. I really wish they didn’t have to go through this but I feel blessed to watch them go through it together. They are brave and amazing children.
So for now we will breathe for a bit and enjoy the days where cancer isn’t all consuming. Jaron is working full time and getting his strength back slowly. It is nice for him and all of us to not have to do chemo every four weeks. We will try to enjoy these days while we can.
It was one year ago that we learned of Jaron’s brain tumor. The memories are still so clear. I remember going in for his first MRI. He had had some confusing moments that had us concerned. The doctor thought we should do an MRI, but mostly as a precaution. We went after hours so only the technician was working. I sat alone in the waiting room, writing thank you notes for the kindness shown me after my father had recently passed away. I remember seeing an official-looking man come walking past me and into the room with the technician. I don’t know how I knew, but I thought, “I think that is the radiologist. He isn’t suppose to be here.” After about 5 minutes, he came walking back. He passed me and gave me the most sympathetic look. My heart just dropped and I felt sick. Was their something wrong? After the MRI we were told that our doctor would be calling us in the morning and we would need to do another MRI. She couldn’t tell us anymore. I remember crying on the way to the car. We knew something was wrong, but what? The next day took forever until we finally met with the doctor. He sadly told us Jaron had a brain tumor. We were shocked, scared, heart broken. We called our family. We told the children. We cried and cried. Then there were a lot of appointments, surgery, complications, hospital stays, radiation, chemo…the nightmare just kept on going. It seems that anniversaries can be very painful as the feelings and memories come back. I am amazed we have made it a year. It feels good to look in the rear view mirror and think, “Look at that mountain we climbed! We made it!” There are many more mountains to climb but I feel glad this one is behind us. I said to Jaron last night, “No matter what cancer you have in the future we will never be at the beginning again.” It was scary walking into Huntsman for the first time. It was intimidating meeting so many doctors and trying to learn how things would work. We are now experienced cancer patients. I am grateful we don’t have to be at the beginning again.
There is a song on the radio that often makes me think. It says, “I wish somebody would have told me, bade, someday these will be the good old days.” Looking back on this year, I know someday I will say “Those were the good old days.” Though there have been so many hard times, there has been a lot of good too. We have been so uplifted by all of you. We have felt the loving support of everyone around us. I will never forget all the kindness shown us. Often, Jaron was too sick to do anything so as a family, we would sit down and watch a movie together. We watched all of the Marvel movies, starting with the First Avenger. I know I will fondly look back on our movie nights, all of us cuddled up together on the couch. I also know I will lovingly remember the time I got to spend with Jaron. Many days he rested on the couch while I did housework. I enjoyed having him there. We joked that going to radiation everyday was like going on a daily date. I really have liked being with Jaron more this last year. There are a lot of good memories that have come from this year. I am glad I got to enjoy them when they happened and now I get to enjoy the memories.
Along with so much goodness, there has been a lot of hard days. People would say to me, “You need to have a lot of laughter in the home. Laughter is the best medicine.” or “Enjoy every minute together.” I felt guilty that I wasn’t making the best of every moment. We weren’t laughing. I wasn’t enjoying these days. I had to release that guilt and be more compassionate towards myself because, in reality, some days there wasn’t much to enjoy. Often, Jaron was so sick and miserable. The kids weren’t always handling the stress in the home well. I was overwhelmed as I took on the roll of father, mother, nurse, pharmacist, homemaker, farmer, financial coordinator, etc. During this time, the only way I got through, was to do as the scriptures say, “Be Still, and Know that I am God.” I would try to be still. I would pray and ask for the Lord’s grace to help me be stronger than I am and to do more than I could do alone. The miracle is, that prayer was always answered. He never left my side. I am so grateful He has walked this journey this last year with me and my family. I do feel that more good than bad has come out of our time with cancer. I am so grateful for all of you. Thank you for being on this crazy ride with us. Happy One Year Anniversary!
