15 Year Anniversary

It was a perfect day.  The sun was shining.  There was white snow all around.  I was the smiling bride and Jaron was the proud husband.  I can’t believe that was 15 years ago!  I can remember it so clearly.  I was so happy and so hopeful.  Life was going to be great with Jaron by my side.

 

Little did we know the bumps in the road ahead.  We didn’t know we would experience things like when the economy crashed in 2008-09 and Jaron’s job relocated us to Northern California and we lost our home in Arizona.  We didn’t know I would suffer 8 miscarriages.  We didn’t know Jaron would have a brain tumor.  We didn’t know the difficulties of parenting and keeping a good marriage.  All we knew that day was we were in love.  Sometimes I wish I could go back to that innocently happy day.  I keep thinking about Garth Brooks’s song The Dance. “I could have missed the pain but I’d have to miss the dance.”  There has been a lot of hard in these last 15 years but there has also been a lot of good, the part of the dance I wouldn’t have wanted to miss.  There has been a lot of joy in bringing three children into this world.  Our love for each other has grown so much.  We have laughed together, played together, built a life together.  I am so glad Jaron chose me and that I said yes.  Here’s to another great 15 years!  

My sweet mother teamed up with Jaron to help give me the best present this year.  I haven’t worn my wedding ring for over a year.  A prong was broken and it needed some work.  My mom took my ring to the jewelers and had them fix it up like new.  It is so beautiful.  I feel like a new bride wearing it.  Thanks mom!  It is such a comfort to have my ring on my finger again.

Jaron’s treatment has continued to go smoothly.  He has about three weeks left of radiation.  They told us he would start to lose his hair at this point and sure enough, it is falling out.  It might just be in this one spot.  

 Jaron went in last week to get a breathing treatment.  His chemo makes him susceptible to pneumonia.  This should help prevent him having any problems, we hope.  

While we were there for this appointment, we met with the genetics counselor.  She said that Jaron’s family is so unique that they don’t have other cases to compare them to.  They do know of a cancer causing gene but this gene usually causes different types of cancer in the family, like grandpa has prostate cancer, uncle has colon cancer, cousin has leukemia, etc.  Because Jaron’s family has one type of cancer, they aren’t sure what gene would cause that.  So they are going to test all of Jaron’s genes.  If they find something unusual, then they will test his mom to see if she has the same defective gene.  Then, when they know what they are looking for, they can test Jaron’s brothers, our kids, and our niece and nephews.  If they find members of the family who have this same gene, then they will do cancer screenings each year.  Right now, there is a low chance that they will be able to find what is causing the cancer.  But we are hopeful because genetic testing is advancing so much that in the coming years, they should be able to learn something.

Thankfully, we have been able to enjoy the Christmas season.  My mom did the 12 days of Christmas for our family and my sibling’s families.  We had so much fun opening each envelope to see what each day brought.  We went to see the lights, watched Christmas movies, read Christmas books, bought presents, etc.  My favorite day was the day we were asked to serve each other.  Jaron played chess with Clark.  Clark helped Jaron with the animals.  Vienna played candy land with Bethany and Bethany massaged my feet.  We loved each day’s task and felt like it ushered in a good spirit for Christmas day.  Thanks mom! 

                                                    

We have been blessed with so many gifts and so much service this holiday season.  It has brought much joy into our lives.  We have continued to receive generous donations, which we are so grateful for.  Our family was also blessed to receive presents that made this Christmas one of the best!  We will always remember the kindness shown to us this season.  Thank you.  

One gift was a hand painted portrait of Jaron with his dad and brother on a fishing trip they took right before Jaron’s surgery.  They were treated to an awesome day of fishing by a dear family friend.  Near the end of the day, Jaron made a miraculous catch of a large fish.  This friend took this picture and had it made into a portrait.  What a touching gift.  

 Christmas eve is one of my favorite days.  I love the excitement in the air.  This year was extra special because Christmas eve was on a Sunday.  I loved going to church and hearing the beautiful Christmas songs.  It really brought in a feeling of worshipping the Christ child and not just looking forward to Santa.  Here is my little sugar plum fairy.  She did a great job singing with the primary children.  She loves to sing.  

 As the day neared bedtime, I have to say, my children felt like they should be on the naughty list.  There was a lot of fighting and demanding.  The kids were acting selfish and not very grateful.  

  

 Though they went to bed with happy anticipation, I was worried about the way my children were acting.  I wanted to take back all of their presents and teach them to be happy to receive an orange!

As I prepared for Christmas morning, I devised a plan.  I wanted to teach my children that presents were a gift and that they should be grateful to receive them, not just selfishly expect them.  So I hid all of their presents in 9 different locations.  When they woke up Christmas morning, all they saw was the one gift from Santa and nothing else.  Yes, there were some disappointed feelings but then I explained what we were going to do.  I had created 9 different “tasks” that brought the Christmas spirit.  Every time they completed a task, I would give them a clue to where presents were hidden.  Once they had completed all of the tasks, then they could open their presents.  If they were grumpy and complained, I would add on a chore.  After the kids got over their shock, we began the quest for presents.  

Here are the 9 tasks they had to complete.  

1. The Christmas spirit is about service.  Make a bed that is not yours. 
2. The Christmas spirit is about helping those in need.  Watch “The Coat: A Story of Charity” on youtube and then find some warm clothes to donate. 
3. The Christmas spirit is about gratitude.  Write a thank you note to Grammy for the presents she gave you. 
4. The Christmas spirit is about remembering the night Christ was born.  Watch the Nativity on youtube. 
5. The Christmas spirit is about “singing loud for all to hear.”  Sing carols at the piano.  
6. The Christmas spirit is about speaking kindly.  Compliment each member in the family.
7. The Christmas spirit is about sitting with your loved ones and reading a Christmas book. 
8. The Christmas spirit is about having fun together.  Have an air hockey tournament. 
9. The Christmas spirit is about helping at home.  Clark - help feed the animals.  Vienna and Bethany - help shovel walks.  When done, play in the snow. 

Good news was they only once had chores added onto their task.  This scavenger hunt created such a wonderful feeling in our home.  We didn’t even get to opening presents until almost 10am.  I am not sure if it taught the children anything but it definitely made a Christmas filled with less fighting and more words of gratitude.  It is definitely a Christmas we will all remember.  

 It is always sad when Christmas comes to an end.  I love this season.  This year has been particularly filled with such kindness shown our family.  Though it is over, the memory of Christmas 2017 will forever be in my heart.  Thank you for helping my family.  I love you all so dearly. 

Joni 

Christmas Card and Yearly Letter

Merry Christmas everyone.  We hope you have had a wonderful day.  Here is our Christmas card and yearly letter.  We think of you all often and say prayers of gratitude daily for your love and support.  Thank you for being the good part of 2017.  

What a year!  It seems that it just wasn’t our lucky year.  It is easy to focus on the hard things

this year...Jaron and his mother’s diagnosis of brain tumors, Joni’s father passing away….but

we would like to focus on some of the good things that happened this year.   

Jaron - This year Jaron adopted 6 baby goats that will grow up to be pack goats for hunting and

hiking.  He drove to Kansas to get them.  When he got back, our kids enjoyed bottle feeding the

goats.  Jaron also enjoyed some awesome duck hunting and fishing trips this year.  

Joni- Another year of homemaking and mothering for Joni, living the dream!  She was able to

sneak in a few trips.  In the spring Joni went to the BYU Womens Conference with her sisters.  

She loves going to this.  In the summer, Jaron spoiled Joni with a trip to Denver.  She enjoyed

the relaxing time away.  

Vienna - She turned 12 this year, earned her Faith in God Award, graduated from primary, and

moved to Young Womens at Church.  She started learning the cello.  She also has been taking

sewing lessons and is quite the baker, too.  She has probably grown six inches.  She has

almost caught up with Joni.  Vienna is becoming a wonderful young lady!

Clark - He turned 10 this year.  He is in the 5th grade.  He is still doing karate and really enjoys

that.  He is a great helper on the farm.  During Jaron’s surgery and recovery, Clark cared for the

animals.  He did a great job as being the temporary “Man of the House.”  He is also a wealth of

interesting facts.  

Bethany - She finally got to go to school like the big kids and she loves it.  She loves riding the

bus, going to recess and PE.  She loves music and library.  She is into numbers and spelling.

Kindergarten is her thing! She is still doing gymnastics, which she also loves.  Life is good

when you are Bethany!

Also this year, we were able to go on some great family vacations.  We went to California where

we fell in love with Universal Studios and The Wizarding World of Harry Potter.  We also went

to Island Park, Park City, Tony Grove, and Bear Lake.

We hope this holiday season finds you healthy and well.  As we reflect on the blessings of this

year, our family and friends are our greatest blessings.  Thank you for bringing light into our

lives.

Merry Christmas!

Jaron, Joni, Vienna, Clark, and Bethany Allred

The Lights in the Darkness

I hope you all are having a good holiday season.  I am happy to report that we are!  I am crossing my fingers and knocking on wood that things will continue as they are and we will be able to enjoy Christmas this year.  Jaron is doing pretty good.  His blood clots are no longer bothering him.  The biggest pain is the shots he has to give himself two times a day.  But that is much better than the excruciating pain he was in.  He has started back to work and is enjoying getting up and out of the house each day.  His c-Diff came back so they put him on another type of treatment.  We hope this does the trick.  He really looks good.  He still is having some word problems.  Sometimes it is hard not to laugh at it.  I think the brain is interesting and I find humor and a bit of amazement at what comes out of his mouth.  Two examples: I was driving and we were stopped at a stop light.  I was turning left.  Jaron points to the light and says, “Green acres.”  He meant to say, “Green arrow,” but green acres came out instead.  First, arrow and acres are pretty close sounding.  And green acres is really a phrase.  I thought it was hilarious that his brain forced out that saying.  So I laughing broke into the song of, “Green acres is the place to be.  Country living is the life for me.”  Second example, he told Clark, “Go take Bethany out to go potty.”  He meant Bluebell the dog but said Bethany, our daughter.  Both start with B and are names.  Clark quickly caught on and started to say, “Bethany, go out.  Go out and go potty.  Come on Bethany.  Go out and go potty!”  We had a good laugh.  I also think he has a bit of tourettes syndrome.  Bad language is a little too easy to come out.  I think he has secretly always wanted to be a swearing farmer.  Interestingly, his bad language usually shows up when I am driving.  Hmmm…. His “word finding” frustrates him a bit but mostly he pushes through.  I say to him that with my brain and his brain, we have enough brain to get through it.  I am glad I get to share brains with him.  

We have gotten into a routine with his treatment. He takes a chemo pill every night.  He goes to radiation everyday Monday thru Friday.  He will do this until January 16.  Then he will do chemo treatments for six months after that.  Treatment has become easier.  That first week was so rough…nausea and migraines everyday.  But the doctors adjusted his medicine and now he has very little symptoms from the chemo.  The radiation makes his head feel red and sore.  His ear feels a little plugged.  His main symptom right now is exhaustion.  I can tell by looking at him how tired he feels.  He went to work for six hours one day and he came home and went straight to bed.  That wiped him out.  I think exhaustion will be his main symptom from now until the end of treatment.  I hope nothing else pops up.  We can deal with exhaustion.  That is a good formula for resting on the couch with your children around you watching Christmas movies!  Our house feels happier and our load feels lighter now that Jaron is doing better.  

I am happy to report that Jaron’s mom, Malinda, is also doing well.  She has been a star patient and has sailed through surgery and treatment like a champ.  She has lost a lot of her hair but looks beautiful with her cute hat on.  She is very tired, too.  She has less than a week of radiation.  Her strength and positive attitude are inspiring.  

Here are a few of the fun things we have been doing.  

 One night we had to make an unplanned trip to Salt Lake to pick up some medicine for Jaron.  So we made it a night.  We went to dinner and stopped by Temple Square.  The lights were so beautiful.  We were touched by the Nativity.  That was a good night!

My mom is doing the 12 days of Christmas this year for her gift to us.  The first day was to get a treat and go see lights.  So we got hot chocolate and drove around the Layton Park.  The lights were cute and we enjoyed seeing them.  

Last weekend we drove down to the Gunnison/Centerfield area and cut down a Christmas tree.  We do this every year but we weren't sure this year if we could pull it off.  We were so glad it worked out.  We got a nice tree and spent the afternoon visiting Jaron's grandparents and extended family.  It was a fun day.  

Since September, our lives have felt very dark and heavy.  We have suffered grief with the loss of my dad.  We have suffered heartache with Jaron and his mom’s diagnosis.  We have been to the bottom of the barrel and back a few times with Jaron’s complications.  It is easy to be swallowed up by the darkness that surrounds us.  But in these dark times, we have had many, MANY acts of service given to our family that has brought so much light into our home.  One night we had the doorbell ring 3 different times where something was secretly left on our doorstep.  By the 3rd time, all my kids ran to the door, trying to catch the good doers.  I wanted to put up a sign that said, “Be ready to run real fast.  My kids are quick!”  We have been showered in so much kindness that are hearts are so full of love.  It brings me to tears when I think of it, and I think of it often.  The beautiful thing is no act of kindness is too small or goes unnoticed.  I have read and enjoyed every comment on social media.  I have saved every note given to us.  I have read and reread every kind and encouraging text sent me.  I have been filled with joy when I have heard our family’s name be included in the prayers at church.  Every smile, hug, encouraging word has given me strength.  Please know that we appreciate all the service coming our way.  The meals have been so delicious and much appreciated.  The gifts left at our door have brought joy into our home.  The donations, OH THE DONATIONS!  We are inspired by everyone’s generosity.  The financial burden has been lifted off of our shoulders, especially Jaron’s.  How much relief he must feel knowing that he can pay for the medical bills and his treatment.  He feels secure knowing that he can continue to provide for his family.  I have opened a separate bank account for these donations.  I am so comforted knowing that we have the money to get Jaron the help he needs.  THANK YOU, THANK YOU for donating to our family.  We will forever be grateful to you for sharing your hard earned money with us.  We recognize the sacrifice and are so grateful for your generosity.  I hope heaven showers blessings on your head!  I feel like Tiny Tim these days.  I want to exclaim daily, but often hourly, “GOD BLESS THEM, EVERYONE!”  I could write a thesis on all the good deeds that have been done for our family.  We are so grateful for them all.  I thought I would highlight a few of them.  

 My sister Katie and her husband Dan sent us this IceKap.  They meant it for Jaron but I love it too!  It has icepacks in it and you wear it when you have a bad headache.  What a great gift!

 We got an envelope in the mail with this letter.  It came from Ohio but we aren't sure who sent it.  It had an envelope of money in it.  My favorite part was how it says, "and remember: You are loved."  That warmed my heart.

My kids grow so much every year that they all needed winter clothes.  A kind family bought my children winter clothes.  How grateful I am that they are warm and covered.  

Our sweet friends Dani and Alan McKean made these shirts for us.  They say "Team Jaron" and "We are Allred Strong"  I love them.  Dani has had her own path with cancer.  Dani and Alan have been great examples of how to move forward with gratitude and positivity.  

 We are truly grateful for all the good things coming our way.  Thank you again for your prayers, encouraging messages, gifts, meals, donations.  They have been the light in the darkness.  We love you.  God bless you, everyone!
Love, Joni

Knock on Wood

Someday we are going to get to heaven and we are going to learn that “knocking on wood” really does work and all of our bad luck happened because we forgot to “knock on wood.”  Last week we had some pretty bad luck and it’s all my fault.  I kept saying, “Jaron’s doing really great and we get to have a nice Thanksgiving week before Jaron starts treatment.”  Well, the universe heard me and saw there was no wood knocking and decided to send us another curve ball.  Thanks universe!  I will be careful what I say in the future!

It all started Tuesday night before Thanksgiving.  Jaron noticed that his digestive system wasn’t well.  At first he thought it was something he ate but it continued all through Wednesday.  We thought for sure he would feel better on Thanksgiving, but he woke up Thursday feeling just as bad.  He hadn’t eaten anything in a couple of days but he was still unwell.  Poor guy spent Thanksgiving in bed, missing all of his favorite foods and his mom’s pies.  I took the kids over to Jaron’s brother’s house and we had a nice dinner.  At this point, I was very worried about Jaron.  It was hard to enjoy the holiday but the kids had a good time and that is most important.  When I woke up Friday morning, I knelt down to pray.  In my prayer I said, “Heavenly Father, I don’t know how to help Jaron but you do.  Please help me to know what to do.”  After I finished, Jaron walked in and said he was having chest pains.  It became very clear to me that I needed to get Jaron help.  So I quickly fed the kids and got us all dressed.  I settled them with a show and arranged for their grandparents to pick them up.  I put Jaron in the car and we drove to the University Hospital ER.  By the time we got there, Jaron was having a lot of pain in his chest.  Thankfully they got us in quickly but alas, it was to a small bed.  This is what Jaron’s feet look like in those beds.  

The emergency room seems like a slow moving, very uncomfortable place.  We were there all day.  Gratefully, we had a room.  It was so busy that day that patients were being treated in the hall.  So at least we got to close the door.  After doing a CT scan, they learned that Jaron had some big blood clots in his lungs.  When we got this news, I just cried.  I thought we were coming to the ER to get some type of treatment like antibiotics for his stomach ailment.  Instead now we were talking about blood clots and being admitted.  This felt scary. The Oncology team at Huntsman wanted to take over Jaron’s care so they transferred us from the University Hospital to Huntsman in an ambulance.  By this time Jaron was in so much pain.  It hurt every time he took a breath.  The pain was barely being touched by painkillers.  When they loaded Jaron into the ambulance, he looked terrible.   They had me ride with him.  As we drove, I looked out the back window and cried.  I kept thinking, “I didn’t know this was going to be our life.”  They got Jaron settled into a very nice room at Huntsman.  Finally Jaron had a bed that was long enough.  It was so nice to see him stretched out comfortable.  

The first task was to get the pain under control.  What had started as a dull pain grew to an all consuming, excruciating pain.  Jaron couldn’t breath very easy because it hurt to breath.  They put him on oxygen and gave him two types of pain meds.  That was the name of the game for Friday and Saturday: trying to control the pain.  It was a rough 48 hours.  They determined that Jaron had had a similar thing like a heart attack or stroke but in his lungs.  He had dead tissue in his lungs and his lungs couldn’t open up fully.  I really hate blood clots.  The treatment is slow.  He still has to be on the blood thinner shots and has to be on oxygen until he can keep his oxygen levels up.  While we were there, they learned that Jaron has an infection called c-Diff.  This is something that shows up in people who have a weakened immune system, often people who have been in a hospital and been on antibiotics.  This is why Jaron had been sick for a few days.  They started Jaron on treatment and he has felt relief.  After four days, Jaron’s pain was under control and so we were able to go home.  Oh, it is good to be home.  

Though Jaron had had such a rough week, they still wanted him to start his treatment.  So Monday night he took his first chemo.  He had a rough night, feeling nauseous and having a bad headache.  The next day he went to radiation.  It caused some burning sensation and a clogged ear.  Jaron was pretty discouraged because he had been told that most people don’t feel symptoms for the first couple of weeks and he was already feeling pretty sick.  After 5 days of having a bad headache, they put Jaron on a different type of anti nausea medicine, hoping this will help his headaches.  Thankfully, the nausea has calmed down, too.  Knock on wood, but Jaron seems to be feeling better and we will hopefully have a few good days.  

I was thinking about gratitude this week.  On Thanksgiving, it was hard to feel thankful when life was falling apart.  Seeing Jaron so sick just broke my heart.  How do I feel gratitude when everything is so bad?   I thought about how in the scriptures we learn to “give thanks in all things.”  I am so glad it doesn’t say “give thanks FOR all things” but “IN all things.”  I wouldn’t be able to say I am thankful for the things in my life like Jaron’s cancer or his rough recovery.  But I can be grateful IN all things, meaning whatever I am going through, I can find things to be grateful.  That I can do.  I am so grateful to my sister Stalee who rushed to the ER to be with me when we heard the bad news.  I am grateful for my sister Judi for having my kids overnight when we learned we would be admitted.  I am grateful for my brother and his wife, JB and Laura, for coming to the hospital so JB could give Jaron a blessing.  I am grateful to my mom for coming back from St. George early to run my life at home.  I am grateful to all the kind family and friends who stepped up and covered for me while we were gone.  I am grateful for the medical staff that took such good care of Jaron.  I am grateful for the many prayers that went up in Jaron’s behalf.  I am very grateful to the many generous souls who have donated to help us cover medical bills.  I am most grateful for the guidance and comfort that came from the Lord.  When I look at it this way, I can see that I do have a lot to be grateful for.  “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you” (1 Thes. 5:18).
Love you all,
Joni

gf.me/u/fdkvxm

Happy Thanksgiving

Dear Family and Friends,

This is Joni's sisters.  We are making a guest post on Joni’s blog because we want to share with you an opportunity to help this wonderful family.  As we all want to support Jaron through this difficult time, we have decided to raise funds to help him with his medical bills.  We are so very grateful for the abundance of love, concern, and prayers offered to this family.  So many people have lifted their spirits through kindness when they’ve needed it most.  Jaron has been unable to work for quite some time, and his employers have been incredibly generous in helping their family.  We are so grateful!  Extended family has also stepped up to lend crucial support and help with their day-to-day needs.  But with the mounting medical bills that will continue into the foreseeable future, we felt that now would be a good time to ask for help.  

Jaron has a large cheering section of people who love him, especially his three young children!  We all want to support him every step of the way. We would love to ease the stress on Joni and Jaron’s mind as they get the medical care Jaron needs to fight this cancer!  As we approach this holiday season, where the spirit of giving is so strong, please think of the Allred family.  They would be forever grateful for whatever you are willing to contribute.  

If you would like to make a donation to their family at this time, here are a few ideas.

We have opened an America First Credit Union Account.  You could stop by any AFCU to make a deposit.  You can give them the name of Joni and Jaron Allred.  It is the account opened in November of 2017.  If you need it, you can get the account number by messaging Joni.  Or if you prefer, we have a Venmo account, @Joni-Allred. 

Again, we are so grateful for everyone who has been so kind.  We are thankful for all of the messages and prayers and kind deeds.  In the midst of an overwhelmingly difficult trial, it is so beautiful to see the goodness of those around us.  So many people love Jaron!!  He and Joni feel that love and support.  And they are so thankful.

Keep fighting, Jaron!  We love you!  

Love, 

Joni’s Sisters 

Joni’s update:  As they say, “No news is good news.”  There hasn’t been much to report lately because Jaron has been doing really great.  The blood clots are clearing.  The pain is receding.  He is able to walk more.  This is all really good news!  He feels like he is slowly returning to himself.  He still is tired a lot, which has a lot to with the medication he is on.  He is feeling more pain in his head because he is being weened from the steroid.  He gets frustrated with his language.  He still struggles with names and sometimes says the wrong words.  Sometimes we laugh cause he pulls up some crazy words when trying to say something.  Other times he has to take a breathe and endure the frustration. But all in all, he is making great progress and healing well.  

We have had two doctor appointments lately.  Last week we went in and Jaron was fitted for the radiation mask.  They fit this mask perfectly to his face so that when he is in radiation, he will not move at all.  As we were in the waiting room, an old man came walking out.  He had dread locks down to his waist and they were green.  I leaned over to Jaron and said I hope radiation doesn't turn him green.  Jaron thought the man looked cool.

They took Jaron back for almost an hour.  As I sat in the waiting room, I wrote this post.  

“I am sitting here waiting for Jaron to get fitted for his radiation mask. In the foyer, a talented man is playing the piano. It feels like he is playing for me. 

‘Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting

Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear

Here comes the sun

Here comes the sun, and I say

It's all right.'

I hope it will be alright.”  

It touched my heart so much to hear this song.  When I posted this on Instagram, my sweet cousin commented that she envisioned my angel dad whispering into the piano man’s ear, “Can you play this song for my little girl.”  I have thought of that over and over.  I hope my dad was there.  I miss him so much.  

Today Jaron had a “set-up” appointment with radiation.  We went to the brand new facility in Farmington.  It is SO nice.  Everything is brand new and shiny.  It is comforting knowing we are getting the newest machine.  I hope that helps Jaron’s treatment.  They allowed me to come back.  I watched these sweet gals lock Jaron up on the table.  Then this big machine swirled around him.  I was a little overcome.  Sometimes it is still hard to believe what is going on but things like this make it feel too real.  Jaron wasn’t to worried about anything besides not freaking out.  That must feel claustrophobic.  But his is strong and they let him listen to music, so he isn’t too worried.

Jaron’s chemotherapy is a pill he takes every night.  It came in the mail.  That was weird to open a package and to say, “Jaron, your chemo is here!”  Brain cancer is hard to treat because it is hard to get the chemo to the brain.  So chemo through an IV isn’t as effective as a pill.  Jaron starts these pills on Sunday. Then on Monday he starts his radiation.  He will do these for six weeks.  Then he will do chemo for the next 6 months.  They say Jaron will feel pretty ok for the first two weeks but then he will start feeling more tired and will lose his hair.  This is a long road but we are hopeful it will be effective.  

My aunt brought dinner last week and said, “How are the children doing?”  I realized that I share a lot of my thoughts and a lot of what Jaron is doing but I haven’t shared too much about the children.  When the news came out, the children all handled it differently.  My 12 year old held a lot of it in.  My 10 year old threw his emotions everywhere.  Most of them were angry.  It was hard to have him be so emotional all of the time.  My six year old was very social and wanted to tell everyone about it.  Luckily, the kids seem to have calmed down and returned to normal since the surgery.  I owe that a lot to my mother.  I often say she has perfected the art of mothering.  She is also very wise.  She is as good or better than counseling.  She has talked a lot to each kid and I feel like that has helped.  They have also had a lot of fun time with cousins, and I think that helps too.  So, all things considering, I think they are doing pretty good.  Kids are strong and a little naive.  They also bring a lot of strength to us.  My six year old keeps saying, “Dad, you are going to make it through.”  I am sure her innocent faith will bring down heaven’s blessings.  Jaron likes having the kids around.  They bring him a lot of comfort.    

We are excited for Thanksgiving break.  We had a pre-thanksgiving dinner with my family last week.  It was great to have them all around us.  Jaron even made the mashed potatoes.  Tomorrow we will be with Jaron’s family.  It should be a good day.  We have so much to be thankful for.  When we were at church on Sunday, I looked around at all the people there.  I felt so much love for all of them.  I know they have been praying for us and doing acts of kindness for our family.  My heart felt full of love and gratitude to them all.  And I feel so grateful for all of you.  You prayers and support are some of the greatest blessings in our lives.  Thank you for helping us during this difficult trial.  We are so grateful for family, friends, good days, and most of all, our Savior.  We are grateful for His guiding hand and loving support.  We feel very blessed.  We hope you all have a nice Thanksgiving.  We love you!

Joni     

What a Roller Coaster Ride!

What a roller coaster we are on!  And I don’t even like roller coasters.  Last week things seem to be going ok.  Jaron was recovering well and it seemed the worst was behind us.  Then Thursday night, as I was putting the kids to bed, Jaron started complaining about a headache.  He normally has had pain just where the incision was, but this pain was his whole head.  I gave him a full dose of pain meds but an hour later, it was still so bad.  So I called the on-call doctor and he said to give Jaron another dose of pain meds.  I did that and he still was in alot of pain.  We decided to go to the emergency room.  As we drove, Jaron became so nauseous and was in so much pain.  I was so worried about him.  As we pulled up, I could hear Brian Reagan’s sketch on no valet parking at the emergency room.  “You go in.  Tell them you’ve been shot!”  If you haven’t seen it, look it up on Youtube.  You will love it.  Anyways, we pull up and I go in and tell them we need a wheelchair.  They came out to get Jaron and he could barely get out of the car.  He was green and pale and clammy.  He looked terrible.  They quickly got us into a room and put Jaron on a bed made for a 5 ft woman weighing 100 lbs.  It was so uncomfortable.  During this journey I have felt bad for myself.  This has seemed like a hard trial for me.  But seeing Jaron so sick, I no longer felt sorry for myself.  I realized that what I have been asked to do is not even close to what Jaron has been asked to do.  My big, strong, healthy husband has to be sick, and weak, and in pain.  Boy, it is hard to watch him be like that.  I cried a lot because I felt so bad for him.  Well, after two doses of nausea medicine and two doses of pain medicine, the pain calmed down.  They did a CT scan and everything looked ok.  We decided that it was because Jaron went off the steroids too early and his brain was swelling.  Thankfully they sent us home.  That was the most miserable experience.  We were so happy to be home and in our own bed.  I gave Jaron some steroids and we went to bed.  After a few hours sleep, we got up with the kids and were grateful that Jaron’s headache was gone.  We sent the kids off to school and went back to bed.  

My mom, who is constantly the heroine of this story, decided to take the kids for the weekend.  She loaded them up after school and took them to her home.  She lives by my sisters so my kids got to spend the weekend playing with cousins and being loved by grandma.  It gave Jaron and me a lot of quiet rest.  It was so lovely.  We napped and watched movies.  We went on walks and worked on his speech therapy.  I was so rested by Sunday evening.  It was the greatest weekend.  

Almost from the beginning of being in the hospital, Jaron’s feet and legs hurt.  They have felt very stiff.  Walking has been painful for his feet.  We talked to the doctor last week and he explained that sometimes during surgery, blood will get in the spinal fluid and settle in the lumbar system which will then cause pain in the feet and legs.  We were told that it would go away.  Well, it seemed to get worse.  Walking was very painful for Jaron.  We applied heat, did massages, warm baths.  The pain just kept getting worse.  By Monday night Jaron was in so much pain, he couldn’t sleep.  We had doctor appointments Tuesday so I called ahead and said Jaron was in alot of pain.  They said to come in and they would check him out.  Just getting to the car that morning was excruciating for Jaron.  He said it was the most pain he has ever been in.  Well, watching him in so much pain, and preparing myself for doctors appointments to talk about CANCER, had me in a really emotional state.  I cried most of the drive down.  I missed our exit and then the next one.  I almost rear ended someone.  By the time we got there, I was already saying it was a terrible day.  Jaron tried to walk to the appointment but he couldn’t so I got him a wheelchair. (Turns out I am as good at pushing a wheelchair as I am at driving a car.  I almost dumped Jaron two times!)  We showed up to our appointment 15 minutes late.  The first thing they wanted to do was to hear about Jaron’s leg.  They feared a blood clot, so they decided after the appointments, we would get a scan of his leg.  Then we got down to business.  Jaron will start radiation in about a week and a half.  He will do radiation Monday thru Friday for six weeks.  This can cause a lot of fatigue and swelling.  The swelling can cause the communication issues to come back but should get better once radiation is done.  After meeting with the radiologists, we then met with the oncologist.  There was a lot of talk about Jaron’s tumor.  His type of tumor, anaplastic astrocytoma, has different categories.  The mutated kind is the good kind.  It responds well to treatment and can stay away for 20 years.  The first initial tests say he doesn’t have this kind.  We have the kind that comes back and when it does, it might be grade 4, the glioblastoma.  It was hard news to hear.  We will most likely beat this tumor.  It is just hard to know that we will have to keep fighting tumors to keep Jaron around.  Jaron will do chemo at the same time as radiation.  He will take a chemo pill every night along with nausea medicine.  He will do this for six weeks.  Once that is done, he will take a four week break.  Then for six months he will take the chemo pill for five days out of every 28 days.  Once he is done with that, they will do scans and see if the treatment was successful.  There are lots of bad side effects but some people do fine with it.  So we will see how Jaron does.  

After leaving those appointments we went to the University hospital and did a scan of Jaron’s leg.  They found that he has a blood clot from the top of his thigh to the bottom of his foot on his left leg.  Jaron’s leg isn’t really swollen and red so it didn’t have the normal signs of blood clots. But sure enough, it is completely filled with them.  They sent us home with shots he has to do twice a day.  The shots stop the body from making more of a blood clot.  Then, the body absorbs the clot over the next few weeks.  There is a risk that the clot will break off and go towards important places like the heart or lungs.  There is also danger of his brain bleeding where the surgery took place.  Jaron says that this pain is worse than after the surgery or when his brain was swelling.  He can’t even walk on it.  He feels relief if he has it elevated but once he tries to walk, he can barely stand it.  Poor man.  I wish there was a quick solution for this one but we just have to wait for the body to dissolve it.  

So this roller coaster has given us some really hard times but some calm days.  I am learning to live one day at a time.  I used to be such a planner.  Now it is hard for me to make plans for tomorrow.  I always loved mindfulness but struggled to apply it in my life.  Now I am getting a good education of living in the moment. I am learning to endure the hard things happening right now.  I am also learning to see the good happening right now.  And there is a lot of good.  So many of you are blessing our lives.  My heart often overflows with gratitude at all the kindness being shown us.  Thank you for blessing our life.  

I ran into a friend the other day.  She commented that when she reads this blog, she often thinks, “If I was going through this trial like Joni, I hope I would handle it like she is.”  I thought that was very kind of her to say but I assured her that she would handle it well.  I am nothing special.  I am making mistakes and having bad moments.  But I have learned through other trials that leaning on the Lord is the only way to make it through these hard times.  I used to really beat myself up when I would hear other people’s trials and they were so much bigger than mine.  I would wonder how they could handle such a big trial and I couldn’t handle something small like a grumpy toddler.  A wise counselor taught me to not compare trials.  She said comparison is the thief of joy.  She said instead of comparing, I should be inspired.  She said to look at others and see that by relying on the Lord they were getting through some really hard things.  I could then apply that to my life and learn that by relying on the Lord I could get through whatever I was asked to do.  This life is hard.  Everyone has trials.  But I truly believe that the Lord will help us through all of them.  He has helped me continue on when I want to sit down and throw my hands in the air.  He comforts me when my fears of the future seem too great.  I am so grateful that he has helped me through so many trials.  He has been there through my many miscarriages, through my struggles with anxiety, through losing my dad, and now through caring for my sweet companion.  How grateful I am to know my Savior and to have Him by my side.  Without Him, this trial would be more than I could bear.  What a blessing He is in my life.  So take heart.  What you are going through is hard, too.  But you are not alone.  And know I love you for reading about us and sending a prayer to heaven in our behalf.  Thank you.

Joni