The Cold, Hard Truth

Its been over a month since I have written on this blog because life has been pretty calm.   We have had no trips to the hospital and no extremely painful conditions.  It has been nice to have some quieter days.  

At the beginning of January, Jaron celebrated his 38th birthday.  Our views on Jaron’s birthday has changed.  Instead of feeling sad that he is getting older, we will now celebrate that we had another year with him.  So we are grateful that we were able to celebrate another year with this guy!  

 In the middle of January, Jaron finished his radiation treatments.  This was a HUGE accomplishment.  He made it through 33 treatments, 7 weeks of chemo and radiation.  We were so grateful to reach another major milestone.  Good Job Jaron! 

Next week Jaron starts chemo again.  He will do chemo 5 days out of each month for 6 months of treatment.  Cross our fingers it won't be too bad.  
 This picture shows Jaron’s hair loss.  We thought it would be his whole head but it really is just the one side.  Now he is sporting a cool shaved side.  We thought about shaving the other side so he could look like Mr. T. 

Though we have not had any major hardships this month, we have learned some important information.  In December, we met with genetic testing and they ran some tests.  They recently contacted Jaron and said they had some strong evidence that he has some mutations of the TP 53 gene.  This is the gene that causes cancer to show up a lot in certain families.  Their next step is to test Jaron’s mom and maternal grandparents.  If they can establish some patterns, then they can test our children.  This information will help them know if they need to do cancer screenings for the children.  They would start that now and monitor them throughout their lives.  It will be good to get some answers, but it is also scary to think that one of our sweet children might have to experience cancer, too.  We pray that it wasn’t passed on to them.  

Yesterday was a big day.  We started the day with Jaron getting an MRI.  Then, he did some blood work and we finished the day by meeting with his oncologist.  Jaron’s MRI looked great.  No visible tumor and no growth.  Everything looks clean and very promising.  His blood work looks great.  When Jaron’s tumor was removed, they sent it off to do some extensive testing.  This helps them know the nature of the cancer.  We had some encouraging results.  The tumor’s mutations indicate that it is not an aggressive tumor.  It could stay away for quite a few years.  With this type of tumor, Jaron could live for 10 to 15 years, maybe even 20.  When it comes back, it most likely won’t be very aggressive.  So he has some good years ahead.  We met this news with mixed emotions.  When we shared the news with others, all of the responses were so positive.  And we felt those same hopeful feelings.  When faced with the possibility of living only 2 to 5 years, being told you could have 10 to 15 years is awesome news.  But if you told a healthy man in his 30’s that he only has 10 to 15 years to live, that also seems really short.  So we feel grateful that he most likely has some time to live life and enjoy raising his young kids.  But we also are saddened that he has cancer, that he most likely will die from this cancer, and he might not live to a ripe old age.  It is a funny place to be where we feel optimism and gratitude but we also feel sadness and anxiety.  Such an unusual journey!

I was riding in the car with a friend last week and we were talking about Jaron and what I might do if he passes away.  She asked me how I even wrap my brain around thoughts like that.  Those are huge thoughts that are hard to accept but I have come to some conclusion.  Lots of people die young and a lot of the time, it is with no warning.  There is so much heartache over these tragic deaths.  The families may say things like, “We didn’t get to say goodbye.”   My own father passed away last September and we didn’t know our time would be cut short with him.  I am glad he lived a wonderful and active life, but we might have enjoyed his last months and days more if we knew he would be leaving us.  

I call this tumor of Jaron’s our warning shot.  It came and turned our world upside down.  Life has been SO HARD but we are getting back to a new normal.  I feel like I have my wonderful and loving husband back.  His health is returning.  He most likely has a few good years ahead of him before it comes back.  So with this tumor came the warning, “Hey, I am not going to take your life just yet.  So go, live, love, and enjoy life while you can.  And be grateful for the time you do have.”  With that warning shot, we now hug a little tighter, hold hands a little more, take life a little slower, and speak a little kinder.  I am grateful for each day I wake up to my sweet husband and each night I kiss him good night.  I am grateful for each “I love you” I hear him say.  I am grateful for the new perspective I have been given.  It has taught me to love deeper because our time on this earth does not last forever. 

Jaron and I have made a 7 year bucket list - things we want to do together, things we want to do with the kids, and things he wants to do alone (like hunting).  I hope and pray that we can do all of those fun things together.  Then, when our time is done here, we can say, “We really LIVED!”