Today marks the first day of Jaron’s second to last treatment of chemo. He woke, as usual, with a migraine. I got up to get him medicine and couldn’t sleep so I decided I would write an update. I can’t believe we are on our second to last chemo treatment. Thinking back to October when all this started, it seemed like such a long road ahead. But now we have almost made it through. I want to celebrate that we are so close to the end. But Jaron feels differently than I do. Whenever someone congratulates him on only having two more treatments, I see a look in his eye that says, “I can’t do two more!” It reminds me of a pregnant woman with two months left in her pregnancy. I remember people saying, “You only have two months left!” And I would think, “I can’t make it for two more months! I can’t make it for two more days!” So you can celebrate with me that we only have two more treatments left and cheer Jaron on that he can make it through two more treatments.
It’s funny how the mind can play tricks on you. My mind has started saying things like, “Only two more treatments and life can get back to normal.” “Only two more treatments and this nightmare will be behind us.” I started getting excited about being free from all this cancer garbage. Then we got some sobering news. Jaron has a genetic mutation that makes him more susceptible to cancer. For those who interested in things like this, I will explain. (If not, jump to the next paragraph.) All humans are born with two copies of the gene TP 53. This gene suppresses tumors. When a cell splits, this gene checks that it was formed correctly. If it is a damaged copy, then it destroys the cell. We have two TP 53 genes, one from each parent, so that if one gene gets damaged during the cell splitting, the other one is back up and continues working. In Jaron’s case, he only has one working TP 53 gene. The other one is mutated. So if his good gene is damaged during the creation of the new cell, whether by the environment or bad luck, he has no back up. A tumor can then grow. This is not just for brain tumors, but all types of tumors.
So what does this mean? It means they are now going to monitor Jaron for all types of cancers. He will have full body scans, colonoscopies, dermatologist visits, etc. Not only has cancer been in our past, with losing Jaron’s sweet sister Amy, but it is also in our present, and now it is most definitely in our future. It makes me want to scream and throw a fit like a toddler! Leave us alone Cancer! My kids like this show on Netflix called Alexa and Katie. This show is about a girl who has cancer and her friend who supports her through it. During one episode, the girl with cancer can’t go to prom because their is a flu outbreak and she could get sick. She says something like, “I try to say that cancer won’t control my life but in reality, it does.” When I overheard her say that, I stopped what I was doing and said, “Amen Sister!” That was such a true statement! Sometimes I feel like cancer is in the driver’s seat of our lives. I have been feeling discouraged about this lately. All I want to do is reach the end of this trial and get past it. A few months ago I heard a talk given by a girl who recently lost her sister to cancer. She said something that has helped me during this discouraging time. She said, “You know the saying, “There is light at the end of the tunnel? Well, if we pay attention, there is light in the tunnel, all along the way. What we need to do is recognize the light and move towards the light.” I loved this visual. All I want to do is get to the end of the tunnel, but the end seems to be getting farther away, not closer. But if I look for it, there has been a lot of light during this journey. There has been so much service given to our family. So many people have generously donated to us, helping us with all the many expenses that come from cancer. We have received encouraging words, supportive hugs, quiet acts of kindness. I have never felt so supported and cared for by the wonderful people around me then I have during the last 10 months. Also, I have never felt so lifted up by my Savior. Many days He has carried me through. I am forever grateful for His grace that has made me stronger than I am. In reality, there has been more light then darkness in our life. Instead of focusing on the end of the ever growing tunnel, I will step into the light. Cancer, you may be in the driver’s seat, but we have a lot of friends with us along for the ride! So bring it on!
Thank you for helping us on this journey. Thank you for bringing light into our lives. I will be forever grateful for you!
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