Jaron's Surgery

Well, the big scary thing has happened and we are now on the other side!  Jaron had surgery yesterday and is doing so well!  I feel on top of the world.  I know many hard days are still ahead but it seems all of the fears associated with the surgery have not come true and we are in the best case scenario.  We truly feel like miracles have happened.  
Let me go back a few days. Jaron and I spent Wednesday afternoon at the temple.  We love the temple.  It feels like a little piece of heaven.  We spent an hour holding hands, sharing our fears, expressing our love.  That afternoon will always be a special memory in my mind.   Thursday we spent some time visiting with family but we also had some appointments to prepare for surgery.  One of the things Jaron had to do was get an MRI.  This one was to help line up the machines for surgery.  They glued some “markers” on Jaron’s head to help them line up the machines.  When we got home, the kids were kind of freaked out by what was on dad’s head.

  While we were at the doctor’s, we saw this sign.  Jaron LOVED it.  I need to get something like this to remind us that life is so much bigger than cancer.  There is so much cancer cannot do!

On Thursday night, we again had family over.  Jaron gave the sweetest father's blessings to all of us.  He spoke so much love to us all.  We are so blessed to have him in our life.  While I put the kids to bed, he went in the basement and recorded personal messages to the kids and me.  At this point, we were so afraid he wouldn’t be able to communicate that we wanted to record him talking.  I know we will cherish those recordings forever.  After we put the kids to bed, he and I had a little sushi party.  We love sushi so we ate some and talked.  It was the best “date.”  We finally got to bed about midnight only to be up at 4, getting ready for surgery.  My mom drove us down and it was nice to have her there.  It was a bit of a whirlwind once we got there, meeting nurses and doctors.  By 7:30 they told us we needed to say goodbye and they were ready to take him.  Those last kisses were filled with tears and love.

 You know how, when you are an adult you wish you could climb into your parents lap and be a kid again?  Well, yesterday I did just that.  The apprehension and fear made me feel dizzy and sick.  So after I said goodbye to Jaron, I put a pillow on my mom’s lap and closed my eyes.  She rubbed my head and I spent the day being a daughter... not a mother, or a wife, but a daughter needing her mom.  I am so glad she was there.  I was also surrounded by my two sisters and my brother.  I was so glad to have their support and they were such a comfort.  Jaron had a lot of family there too.  It was like a fan club in the waiting room.

 The nurse would call me every two hours to give an update.  The first time they called and said they had gotten the tumor out.  Jaron had done great being awake.  They were going to do an MRI and then, if all looked good, they would close him up.  The next phone call said that the MRI showed they needed to get more of the tumor.  So they had to go back in and get what hopefully is the rest.  Then they put him back together.  It was about a 7 hour procedure.   When it was done, we met with the doctor.  He was very positive about how much of the tumor he got out.  He felt like he had gotten to healthy tissue and so hopefully it is mostly gone.  He didn’t tell us what kind of a tumor it is because he didn’t want to say until pathology gives him the results but he did say the tumor does not come from some other cancer in the body.  And it seems like the cancer is isolated in the brain.  So it won’t spread to the rest of the body.  This was good news.  He also felt confident that Jaron wouldn’t have permanent communication problems.  That was very good news.  

After surgery, they moved him to the Neuro Critical Care Unit.  We all moved to that waiting room.  “Jaron, party of 15, your waiting room is ready.”  We went there and waited a bit.  Then, we were told that he was ready for me to come and visit.  I almost ran.  I walked in and there he was, alive, breathing, eyes open!  I was so emotional I about lost it.  Then he started talking!  My heart soared.  My husband can talk!  All of my fears disappeared as I listened to him talk.  It was music to my ears.  For the next couple hours, he was so groggy, but he kept asking the same questions.  “What kind of tumor was it? Was it like my moms? Am I all done?”  I answered him over and over, only for him to fall asleep for 10 seconds, wake up and ask again.  It was obvious what was weighing on his mind.  Through all that grogginess he wanted to know what the tumor was.  I reassured him the tumor looked different and that he was all done with the surgery.  In a couple of weeks, pathology might say it is the same tumor as his mom, but I am holding out hope.  His doctor did not give any indication that it was like his mom’s and sister’s, so I felt ok telling Jaron it was different.  The thing that touched my heart, was when, with a drugged voice, he would say, “So I don’t need to worry?”  I would lovingly say, “No.  You don’t need to worry.”   After a while, the pain became very severe.  He kept saying it felt like someone was stabbing him in the head.  I reassured him that someone had stabbed him in the head but that was a few hours ago.  I felt so helpless watching him in pain.  There was nothing I could do but be by him.  Thankfully, around 3 in the morning, they got his pain under control and he was able to rest some.

Today he has walked, he has eaten, he has endured an MRI.  He gets up and uses the restroom by himself.  He can read and write.  His communication does have some problems, but I think those will all heal with time and maybe some therapy.  It is interesting but he struggles knowing names...names of people, places, and things.  So they must have cut the part of the brain the does nouns.  All through the night they would check him by saying, “Where are you?”  He would answer, “I am at that place where they took out that thing.”  He couldn’t remember hospital or tumor, but he did know what he wanted to say.  He even struggled with my name.  He would say to me, “I know you are my wife but I can’t remember your name.”  We would then practice it.  Each time, my name came easier to him.  Also, some names don’t sound familiar.  I was talking about a friend and he didn’t know who it was, even when I described him.  This was a bit frustrating for him.  He also has no peripheral vision in his right eye, which is his good eye.  He keeps saying he hopes that his vision comes back.  We have been reassured by the doctors that all of this will come back in time.  So instead we will play, “I am thinking of a word…” game and I try to guess what Jaron is trying to say.  The most beautiful thing is, he hasn’t forgotten how to say, “I love you.”  He has told me it over and over.  He has kissed me.  He even lifted up his hand, covered in IV’s and chords, and rubbed my face softly.  I don’t need Christmas presents this year.  I already got my Christmas miracle!  Thank you all for your prayers and fasting and kind messages.  We truly feel that the Lord has blessed us so much.  I want to stand on the mountain top and yell my gratitude for heaven to hear.  Today is a good day!